“We felt wrapped in a hug!”
For the dozens of young women widowed during October 7 and its aftermath, Colel Chabad’s three-day retreats are a lifeline
The hall buzzed with excitement. Yonatan Razel’s voice filled the room, children stamped in energetic circles, and women swayed along with the music. Looking at the happy faces, it was hard to believe that everyone in the audience had a front-row seat to pain and loss—most of them just this year.
The concert was part of a three-day annual retreat for widows and orphans organized by Colel Chabad’s Chesed Menachem Mendel. This time was different; the crowd was impossibly, unnaturally young. There were swarms of excited little children, and a disproportionate number of strollers. The women — how could they be widows?— still in their forties and thirties and twenties, some newly married, some holding tiny, pink-skinned newborns, others still expecting.
And they will be giving birth to those babies alone.
Most died fighting our nation’s battle. Some were massacred while defending their moshavim on October 7, or in the dark months that followed, others while battling the enemy in Gaza. To the world, they were statistics, inevitable casualties of war. But to their families, they were a world: fathers who played ball games and gave bear hugs, husbands who were careful listeners, and who knew exactly what to say to lift their wife’s spirits.
Some of the women had lost their husbands to illness or accidents; most were “war widows.” In normal times, each unnatural death would make front page news, but today’s tragedies are too widespread to receive the attention they deserve. “This kind of loss isn’t natural,” one widow shared at the event. “No one expects to lose their husband when they’re still in their twenties. And how many women are like me, raising a child who was so little that they couldn’t even say ‘Abba’ yet?”
Though Colel Chabad doesn’t usually hold this many retreats, they quickly adapted to the painful, new reality. One year ago, eighty percent of the women at the retreat were enjoying life as a complete family—but now, the thought of vacation filled these brave mothers with dread.
“We usually do a few retreats a year for different families,” Rochel Martin, the retreat’s organizer and herself a widow and mother, explains, “But this Chanukah, we have so many new families, we already have two retreats scheduled and may need to schedule a third”.
For three days, the women could pause their non-stop caregiving and be the ones who are looked after. They relaxed, enjoying catered food and care packages, without having to worry about their kids. “A lot of these families would never go to a hotel.” Rochel explains, “It’s expensive, but also it’s not possible to take a trip like this with little kids on your own. Here, every mother gets help. We have madrichot for every age so the kids are taken care of and mothers can relax. Every family is assigned their own babysitter for the infants and their own counselors for the older kids.”
The women have been running a one-man show for months: helping the kids readjust, paying the bills, some even giving birth on their own. “As a single parent, you’re the only one looking after the kids. There’s never a break.” Leora shared, “When I stop to nurse the baby and see the toddler doing something dangerous, there’s no one else to run and grab them. Then you come here and for the first time, you can breathe, because someone else is looking out for you and your kids.”
Besides a chance to relax and refresh, the retreat offered the women a sisterhood of support, a chance to talk, laugh and cry with women who know what it’s like to wake up alone, go to sleep alone, and feel the cold presence of loneliness a million times in between. Here, they could meet women who suffered the unnatural loss, who, like them, lost decades in an instant. “These women understand.” Sara shared in a text to the organizers mid-event, “You come here for a few days of healing and it’s like a dream.”
There’s also the joy of watching their kids drink everything in with wide-eyed wonder. Back home, there’s guilt on top of grief; their children deserve more than other kids – but as single moms, their time and resources are stretched so thin. At last week’s retreat, those worries evaporated as single mothers watched their kids enjoying nonstop attention, gorgeous back-to-school supplies, and exciting trips. “They count down to this,” one mother said, “In school, my son was asked, ‘Which Yom tov do you love most?’ and he said Chanukah, because that’s when we have the retreats.”
The older ones are proud of their abbas. “He’s a very big presence in my children’s lives,” Maya, whose husband fell in battle, shared. “He’s their hero; they know to tell their friends that he was killed in war.” But their friends are living in different universes; they don’t know what it means that Abba’s never coming home again. For three days, the children could spend time with kids who understand. “They see other kids like them – that they’re not ‘strange’ and that gives them strength,” a mother shares.
For the mothers, seeing other orphans infuses them with hope. “The only thing you want is for your kids to be okay.” Batya shares, “You come here and realize that it’s possible. So many other children are happy. One day, my kids will be happy and well-adjusted too.”
The retreats are three days, and it serves as an incubator of love and support, empowering the women to go back home with renewed energy. “It gives us the strength to continue,” one woman said. As another woman put it: “We felt wrapped in a hug!”
After three days, the families will return home – and Colel Chabad remains a constant presence at the side of the widows, helping them raise their families. The organization arranges tutoring, mentorship, extracurricular activities, day camps, bar or bat mitzvahs and anything else that will give each family the strength to move forward in a healthy, well-adjusted manner.
Come what may, Colel Chabad has each family’s back. Avital Shapira said it best, “The pampering, attention to the smallest details, and embracing feeling of love at the retreat cannot be described in words. We returned with renewed strength to continue.”
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